Love Languages: The Perfect Tool for Self-Care
By now I’m sure you’ve heard or read about Love Languages. When Gary Chapman, Ph.D., came out with his book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, it started a deep societal conversation about the different ways people express (and receive) love.
Since the publishing of the book, I have also seen a slow but steady degradation of the Love Languages being used as a relationship weapon.
The gift of the Love Languages isn't so a person can create expectations or demands of others (“If you love me, you’ll speak in my language”), it's meant to offer a person a way to recognize how the people in their life are already expressing love to them.
Contentment and abundance is so often about a simple change of perspective. When you stop looking outside for the validation you need from the inside out, your whole measure for happiness will shift and feeling whole becomes simpler.
The Love Languages are a beautiful and simple reminder to appreciate what already is.
In my wholeness journey, I have also learned to use my receiving Love Language(s) for my own self-care.
It’s important to note that a person’s receiving love language isn’t always the same as their giving love language, so you’ll want to take some time to evaluate your receiving love language for yourself.
Which of the 5 love languages - Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Touch, Acts of Service, or Quality Time - help you feel a sense of love and wholeness from the inside out?
Most important in this self-care process is that you use your own love language(s) to mindfully love yourself. That means both intentionally offering yourself love and healing while simultaneously receiving the gesture - your gesture - as self-loving and self-healing.
Here are some creative ways to use the love languages in your own self-care:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Print out your favorite inspirational quotes/memes or words of support and post them around your living and/or workspace so you are constantly taking in positive messaging, or you can reach for it when you are needing a boost.
Say nice things to yourself in the mirror. Mirror work is powerfully healing. It can also be surprisingly challenging. Even if it’s uncomfortable, do it anyway. It will get easier the more you do it, and it will change your life. Louise Hay’s Mirror Work is an incredible guide for this.
Ask someone meaningful to you to share sincere words of love or support with you, or to remind you of why you are important to them.
Sign up for daily inspirational text messages or emails to be sent to you (the Shine app is just one example - https://www.theshineapp.com/)
Write yourself a love letter. Find a sacred place to store the letter. Then reread the love letter when you are having a down moment.
GIFTS
This one is pretty self explanatory. Treat yourself to a “visual symbol of love”. What have you been eyeing that you have considered buying for yourself?
The key here is in giving the gift some careful reflection and in choosing something that represents your relationship to yourself, or that reflects your personal values. And every time you see it, you will be reminded that you are special - to yourself - which is more important than any other relationship.
TOUCH
There’s so much room for playfulness with this one. Start with a bath or shower, worshipping or honoring your body by ritualistically soaking and cleansing it.
Anoint your body from head to toe with your favorite oil.
Caress your skin with your fingers, run a thin tee-shirt, a feather, or a flogger across it. Tune in to the different sensations, and the goosebumps.
It takes a bit of practice to learn how to massage your own feet, shoulders, or your scalp, but it is so worth it. You can find YouTube videos that show you how. Or ask a friend for one.
If you don’t already have a regular self-pleasuring practice, this is the perfect time to play with one.
Cuddle with yours or someone else’s pet (make sure to have the friend's and the pet’s consent first, of course!).
Do you know how to give yourself a hug? Here’s a place to start: https://www.healthline.com/health/hugging-self#how-to
If you find fuzzy blankets or stuffed animals soothing, tucking yourself under a weighted blanket can help you feel swaddled or cuddled when you need it the most.
Be intentional in your touch. Saturate your intention with feelings of love and gratitude, and consciously receive your touch as loving and healing.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Acts of Service are things that make a person’s life easier. What would make your life, or even one day, just a little easier?
Treat yourself to a month of meal delivery service or have your dry cleaning picked up and delivered to your door instead of running out for it.
Take a car service to dinner so you can enjoy a cocktail without having to worry about arriving back home safely.
Pay for a one-time (or monthly) house cleaning service.
This one is about mindful acknowledgement. You deserve your life to be gentler, and you are entitled to the extra time, spaciousness, and energy an act of service gives you back!
QUALITY TIME
Even if you are an extrovert, you should enjoy spending time with yourself. What would quality time with yourself look like?
Take a yoga class, set aside time to meditate, or take a mindful walk.
Take a dip in a friend’s jacuzzi, head to the zoo, or treat yourself to your favorite meal, drink, or snack.
Remember, the impact only happens when you mindfully engage in both the act of loving yourself and receiving that act as healing and love.
What are some of your ideas for using love languages for your own self-care?
In wholeness,
Sharon Marie Scott
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