By now I’m sure you’ve heard or read about Love Languages. When Gary Chapman, Ph.D., came out with his book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, it started a deep societal conversation about the different ways people express (and receive) love.

Since the publishing of the book, I have also seen a slow but steady degradation of the Love Languages being used as a relationship weapon.

The gift of the Love Languages isn't so a person can create expectations or demands of others (“If you love me, you’ll speak in my language”), it's meant to offer a person a way to recognize how the people in their life are already expressing love to them.

Contentment and abundance is so often about a simple change of perspective…

I can’t remember when I started choosing a word for the year for myself. It started maybe a decade ago. What I do remember is recognizing that I had emotional goals that I wanted to meet. At that time, the words represented aspirations to be more confident, more positive, and more self-loving.

Other parts of my life were moving along fine, which is probably what opened the space for me to go deeper into myself. Even though my writing career was fulfilling and successful by any objective standard, I was fed up with the incessant internal voice that told me to be afraid of everything in life, and that nothing I did was good enough.

I was tired of letting my traumas dictate my self-worth…

Before I married at age 21, I was dating one of those Really Good Guys - someone who had little ego, was complimentary, affectionate, generous, and nurturing. We met as street actors at the “original” Renaissance Pleasure Faire and fell pretty hard pretty fast. The hard part was that we lived four hours apart (this was before cell phones/text messages, FB, or even email).

To stay connected, we caught up on the telephone every few nights (long-distance calling fees still applied), but we could only see each other in person when both our work schedules lined up and one of our often-failing cars could make the long drive…

From the moment we’re born, we have experiences: joy, disappointment, boredom, thrill, fear. These moments and the resulting emotions then begin to influence the way we see the world. Let’s say you had a wonderfully positive experience on your birthday.

At that time, an association is then built between your birthday and a wonderful time - an example of a lens - so when your birthday comes around again, you feel excited about it. On the flipside, if you’ve had a negative experience on your birthday, then a negative asociation is built - a different lens - so when your birthday comes around again this time, you feel worried or anxious…