We are born into this reality whole and complete and with a unique divine story to play out - but we learn from a very early age - through modeling, conditioning, and reinforcement - that it isn’t safe to embody all of who we are.

As we continue to be shaped to fit in and molded to become civilized members of society, we learn to only allow the (societally-sanctioned) good parts of our nature to be seen, and that the bad parts are to be rejected, ignored, and hidden.

This fracturing is at the heart of the shadow self.

WHAT UNCONSCIOUSNESS LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE

To be unconscious is to identify only with this physical reality. To rely only on the five senses to move through the world. To think you are your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your intellect. To believe your mind has no power over your reality and that what comes your way in life is simply a lucky or unlucky coincidence.

When I first started to excavate my childhood wounds, I first saw my early survival mechanisms as necessary but unfortunate trauma responses —

Hypervigilance,
Perfectionism,
Dissociation,
People-pleasing,

among others –

Now, as a spiritually-awakened adult who continually invites her own expansion, I see so clearly how, now –

Fueled by radical self-awareness and conscious intention –

That these trauma responses have become superpowers.

What if I told you that your perception of “life” is really an illusion-of-reality and that you are actually a player in an immersive first-person, open-world video game?

Like every worthy game, there is a hero’s journey to traverse.

The game begins when you are born into this 3-dimensional universe. You don’t know what your unique story is or what that journey is supposed to look like - in fact, you aren’t even told that you are playing a game.

The cool twist is that you aren’t just a player character - but a sacred being who has forgotten their divine origin - and you set this game story up for yourself on purpose, to experience other levels of consciousness…

“My feelings are valid.”

I hear this sentiment so often. Usually from people who are trying to justify controlling other people’’s behavior.

“This thing you are doing/saying/feeling causes me to feel hurt/angry/scared, so you shouldn’t do/say/feel that thing anymore.”

In the documentary, The Wisdom of Trauma, Gabor Mate defines trauma as essentially responding to a present moment as if it were the past.

Yes, your feelings are valid, and real… to the moment the trauma was created…

This week, my nesting partner and I were at a social gathering that we regularly attend. This was what one of the female-identifying people there said to him after inquiring about his and my connection.

While he has been a part of this weekly club for over a decade, my earnest participation - especially in establishing myself as a bonafide member of the club rather than being known as my partner’s “girlfriend” - has really only been in the last year.

I live my life out loud at this point and while I don’t throw my queerness or my relationship style in anyone’s face, (my nesting partner and) I don’t hide it either…

What thoughts, images, or feelings does the word longing bring up for you?

A simple search online describes longing as a yearning desire.

When I asked some of the people close to me, I was surprised by their answers --

An ache

Something missing

A desire that hurts because you can’t have it

Mourning

Now think about longing in the context of relationships (any relationship, not just romantic/sexual ones)...

Over the weekend, a moderator of a spiritually-minded business group I belong to asked a question: “Who inspires you and why? How do you wish to inspire others?”

As I considered the question, I realized that there are so many individuals who inspire me that I couldn’t settle on just one, so I spent some time considering what these individuals all have in common...

I am inspired by people who defy social norms by living and speaking their truth with boldness and passion.

I want to inspire people by offering them a fresh way to think and feel, which transforms their beliefs about themselves…

By now I’m sure you’ve heard or read about Love Languages. When Gary Chapman, Ph.D., came out with his book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, it started a deep societal conversation about the different ways people express (and receive) love.

Since the publishing of the book, I have also seen a slow but steady degradation of the Love Languages being used as a relationship weapon.

The gift of the Love Languages isn't so a person can create expectations or demands of others (“If you love me, you’ll speak in my language”), it's meant to offer a person a way to recognize how the people in their life are already expressing love to them.

Contentment and abundance is so often about a simple change of perspective…

I can’t remember when I started choosing a word for the year for myself. It started maybe a decade ago. What I do remember is recognizing that I had emotional goals that I wanted to meet. At that time, the words represented aspirations to be more confident, more positive, and more self-loving.

Other parts of my life were moving along fine, which is probably what opened the space for me to go deeper into myself. Even though my writing career was fulfilling and successful by any objective standard, I was fed up with the incessant internal voice that told me to be afraid of everything in life, and that nothing I did was good enough.

I was tired of letting my traumas dictate my self-worth…

Before I married at age 21, I was dating one of those Really Good Guys - someone who had little ego, was complimentary, affectionate, generous, and nurturing. We met as street actors at the “original” Renaissance Pleasure Faire and fell pretty hard pretty fast. The hard part was that we lived four hours apart (this was before cell phones/text messages, FB, or even email).

To stay connected, we caught up on the telephone every few nights (long-distance calling fees still applied), but we could only see each other in person when both our work schedules lined up and one of our often-failing cars could make the long drive…

From the moment we’re born, we have experiences: joy, disappointment, boredom, thrill, fear. These moments and the resulting emotions then begin to influence the way we see the world. Let’s say you had a wonderfully positive experience on your birthday.

At that time, an association is then built between your birthday and a wonderful time - an example of a lens - so when your birthday comes around again, you feel excited about it. On the flipside, if you’ve had a negative experience on your birthday, then a negative asociation is built - a different lens - so when your birthday comes around again this time, you feel worried or anxious…