It is my lived experience and the experience of so many of the clients I support that our primal drive for sexual connection, erotic expression, and even intimate relationships actually have little to do with the sex, procreation, or even pleasure…

Now that I am on the other side of so many of my early traumas (childhood sexual abuse and incest, emotional abuse and neglect, codependence, poor boundaries, and more), I finally recognize that the pursuit of sex, connection, and the erotic has actually been about knowing the self more deeply –

Or about coming into a fuller expression of one’s unique divine essence.

If you’ve experienced any kind of trauma or other types of experiences that still intrude or interrupt your everyday life, this article offers some basics on how past trauma influences the present body-mind - and introduces you to some effective ways to bring yourself back into physical/emotional/mental balance when you’re in the midst of struggle.

Did you know your body remembers everything that has ever happened to you? And more than that, it stores memories from your ancestral line and even your past lives?

In a 2008 Review: The Effects of Trauma, with or without PTSD, on the Transgenerational DNA Methylation Alterations in Human Offsprings, they found evidence that trauma can be passed between generations epigenetically, which means that trauma experienced by an ancestor might be affecting the way your genes are expressing today.

Play is a critical part of learning and developing, both physically and mentally.

Pleasure and play do something really unique to the brain. They elicit chemicals that rewire it in ways that can help you:

-Make mental connections more easily
-Spark creativity and motivation
-Increase innovative thinking, and
-Open to new perspectives

We are born into this reality whole and complete and with a unique divine story to play out - but we learn from a very early age - through modeling, conditioning, and reinforcement - that it isn’t safe to embody all of who we are.

As we continue to be shaped to fit in and molded to become civilized members of society, we learn to only allow the (societally-sanctioned) good parts of our nature to be seen, and that the bad parts are to be rejected, ignored, and hidden.

This fracturing is at the heart of the shadow self.

WHAT UNCONSCIOUSNESS LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE

To be unconscious is to identify only with this physical reality. To rely only on the five senses to move through the world. To think you are your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your intellect. To believe your mind has no power over your reality and that what comes your way in life is simply a lucky or unlucky coincidence.

When I first started to excavate my childhood wounds, I first saw my early survival mechanisms as necessary but unfortunate trauma responses —

Hypervigilance,
Perfectionism,
Dissociation,
People-pleasing,

among others –

Now, as a spiritually-awakened adult who continually invites her own expansion, I see so clearly how, now –

Fueled by radical self-awareness and conscious intention –

That these trauma responses have become superpowers.

What if I told you that your perception of “life” is really an illusion-of-reality and that you are actually a player in an immersive first-person, open-world video game?

Like every worthy game, there is a hero’s journey to traverse.

The game begins when you are born into this 3-dimensional universe. You don’t know what your unique story is or what that journey is supposed to look like - in fact, you aren’t even told that you are playing a game.

The cool twist is that you aren’t just a player character - but a sacred being who has forgotten their divine origin - and you set this game story up for yourself on purpose, to experience other levels of consciousness…

“My feelings are valid.”

I hear this sentiment so often. Usually from people who are trying to justify controlling other people’’s behavior.

“This thing you are doing/saying/feeling causes me to feel hurt/angry/scared, so you shouldn’t do/say/feel that thing anymore.”

In the documentary, The Wisdom of Trauma, Gabor Mate defines trauma as essentially responding to a present moment as if it were the past.

Yes, your feelings are valid, and real… to the moment the trauma was created…

This week, my nesting partner and I were at a social gathering that we regularly attend. This was what one of the female-identifying people there said to him after inquiring about his and my connection.

While he has been a part of this weekly club for over a decade, my earnest participation - especially in establishing myself as a bonafide member of the club rather than being known as my partner’s “girlfriend” - has really only been in the last year.

I live my life out loud at this point and while I don’t throw my queerness or my relationship style in anyone’s face, (my nesting partner and) I don’t hide it either…

What thoughts, images, or feelings does the word longing bring up for you?

A simple search online describes longing as a yearning desire.

When I asked some of the people close to me, I was surprised by their answers --

An ache

Something missing

A desire that hurts because you can’t have it

Mourning

Now think about longing in the context of relationships (any relationship, not just romantic/sexual ones)...

Over the weekend, a moderator of a spiritually-minded business group I belong to asked a question: “Who inspires you and why? How do you wish to inspire others?”

As I considered the question, I realized that there are so many individuals who inspire me that I couldn’t settle on just one, so I spent some time considering what these individuals all have in common...

I am inspired by people who defy social norms by living and speaking their truth with boldness and passion.

I want to inspire people by offering them a fresh way to think and feel, which transforms their beliefs about themselves…